Building Our Own Prisons: Worrying About the Future

When I first started driving, my mom told me I drove without purpose.  I had no clue where I was going, so I drove slow.  If you didn’t know, people get mad at you for going 45 MPH on the interstate because you don’t know where your exit is and because you’re just flat out scared of all the cars.  Just like the interstate, the world has a way of leaving us behind if we’re hesitant.  I’ve felt it a lot lately in college just waiting to know what God’s next step is for me and how all these pieces of me fit together.  It’s easy to panic and maybe even take steps without God just wanting to go somewhere. But God hasn’t called us to somewhere, He’s called us to victory.

In Genesis 15, God tells Abraham (then Abram) “Do not be afraid, Abram.  I am your shield, your very great reward.” He then responds with his own doubt, telling God “Sovereign Lord, what can you give me since I remain childless and the one who will inherit my estate is Eliezer of Damascus?” And Abram said, “You have given me no children; so a servant in my household will be my heir.” God goes on to promise Abraham that his his own flesh and blood, his own son will be his heir and his descendants will be as many as the stars in the sky.  Even though he believed God, he also had so much doubt and was so impatient to see God’s way of working this out, that he and his wife decided to take matters into their own hands, as Sarah (then Sarai) gave her slave Hagar to have a son with her husband.  This was not the child God had promised them.  God appears the Abraham again to again tell him he will have a son with his wife, and this time, Abraham laughs, saying “Will a son be born to a man a hundred years old? Will Sarah bear a child at the age of ninety?” Sarah does a similar thing later in Genesis 18 when the three men visit and tell Abraham that at that time the next year, Sarah will have a son and she laughs and says “After I am so worn out and my lord is old, will I now have this pleasure?” The Lord then speaks to Abraham and says “Is anything too hard for the Lord?” 

We all get into those places of doubt and impatience as we wait for God to fulfill His promises to us.  The temptation is always there to take things into our own hands, but that is never the answer.  Rushing into something God doesn’t have planned for you just so you can do something will only make things harder.  As hard as it is, our job is to wait patiently for The Lord to fulfill his promises in our lives.

Maybe you don’t know exactly what that promise is, but I can tell you one promise God has for all His children from Jeremiah 29:11.  “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares The Lord, “plans to prosper you, not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.”  What more do we need to know?  God knows what He’s doing, and He has nothing less than the best planned for you.  1 Corinthians 2:9 tells us However it is written, “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has planned for those who love Him.”  How does that promise not give us peace?  How does it not make us feel foolish to think that we sometimes want to do our own thing and not wait for God’s plan?  We can throw ourselves into a thousand different things, hoping to find “our thing,” we can work and work and make millions, we can be so busy that we can’t remember what rest is, but at the end of the day, if God’s not at the center of any of it, if we aren’t doing what He called us to do, we will never be satisfied.

That’s what worrying about the future does, it makes us anxious and spastic.  It leads us farther and farther from what God created us for.  Matthew 6:33-34 tells us “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own.” We don’t seek God in response to what He gives us in our lives,  we seek God and His kingdom first, we put Jesus as King over our lives and then we watch on in amazement as He fills our lives with more than we could ever imagine.  Maybe today you’re a senior in college with no clue what you want to do afterwards, or maybe your a freshman who’s grades aren’t great and who’s questioning their major with no clue where to turn next.  Maybe you’re sitting in an office wondering what you’re even doing there, or flipping burgers wondering why nothing better has come along.  It doesn’t matter! Don’t you dare let that anxiety and worry for the future come in and steal your joy and hope! God knew exactly where you’d be right now, and He knows what’s coming and it is wonderful.  Trust Him.  Pursue Him.  Love Him.  And I promise, doors will begin to fly open!

Building Our Own Prisons: Trying to be a Perfect Person

I thought I’d start off this little series with the place I struggle the most with “building my own prison.” I am insanely critical of myself.  I could tell you a huge list of things I do wrong everyday.  Every time I act, I’m judging myself.  To a point, this isn’t a bad thing, it keeps us aware of our own  behavior.  It’s always good to be honest about who we are, but it can go too far.  The problem with this critique of ourselves is after we become painfully aware of our flaws, we try to fix them ourselves.  This brings me to what I want to talk about in this post–letting go of changing ourselves.

If you’ve tried this, you probably know it’s next to impossible.  We on our own aren’t very good at being good, but if we were, what would the point of Jesus’ work be?  He lived and then died on the cross so he could understand the struggle of being human and save us from who we are and the consequences of that.  We can only be changed by His grace and forgiveness and through striving to be like Him.  I love the picture Ephesians 2:10 paints as it says For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Can’t you just see God molding you, with all your talents and passions, knowing what He destined you for?  Before you were ever a thought in the world’s mind, God created a space in this world that only you could fill.  I also love that this verse says “created in Christ Jesus.” THAT’S where our strength and our power comes from. He is where we look for our direction, our purpose, and for who we are.  He is the one that can change us.

2 Corinthians 12:9 says this But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That verse makes me really happy that sometimes I have a short temper, that I can be selfish, negative, and envious, that I am awful at Math and easily overwhelmed.  Because that gives Jesus a lot of areas to have power!! I like this think of all the places I lack being holes in me where Jesus can come in a fill with Himself.  The more I’m weak, the more He’s in me.  We were never made to be perfect.  We were made to come to Him and say “Help me. Fix me.” Never is He going to say you’re too broken or too messed up.  His grace in endless, as is His love, and no matter how many times you mess up, He will always be there to fix the mess. Philippians 1:6 says being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. 

He has begun good works in all of us, and He is constantly molding us and fixing us and making up for what we lack.  I encourage you today to let go of fixing yourself and of hiding all you flaws.  Embrace the love and grace Jesus extends and let Him fill all those places.

Building Our Own Prisons

I am super excited to do this post because it’s one I’ve had on my heart for a while and I’m finally ready to pull it together and write it.  I decided to break it down into multiple posts over about a week just so it doesn’t get too long. I want to talk about how we so often, after proclaiming all the freedom we have in Jesus, go back into the world and build our own prisons and hold ourselves back from all he has for us.  I’ll cover many different areas in our lives that so often we build prisons in.  The idea that we aren’t all living in all God is for us is so sad, both because we’re missing out and because Christ died so we could have it.  2 Corinthians 5:15 says “And He died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for Him who died for them and was raised again.” Jesus died for all of us, what a waste it is not to live truly free. I love 2 Corinthians 3:17 that says “Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.”  We were never meant to be in chains, or prisons of our own making.  We were made to live with Christ in freedom.

Dealing With a Bad Instructor

I almost wrote this post a few weeks back and started to feel mean as I wrote about my problems with a couple of my instructors.  But the truth is, I’ve just reached a point of complete frustration with some of my classes, and I’m not being me.  I’m just being honest.  So honestly, my first semester of college is shaping up to be me just teaching myself.

My first class of the week is lead by an grad student, not professor.  She has very poor English and honestly just doesn’t have any depth of knowledge on what she’s teaching.  She reads word from word from PowerPoint slides, and even then gets confused, trails off, and reads the slide until she gets it herself.  After two weeks of sitting in a math lecture with 800 people and retaining nothing, I started just using the My Math Lab program we use to learn Calculus. And then of course there’s the computer science class that has no allotted class time.  We just get an email from the professor around once a week to give us our assignments.

I say all this not to complain, but to show that college means taking on a lot of responsibility.  You are 110% responsible for if you pass or fail.  No one cares if your instructor can speak English or not.  So for those of you that may be struggling with adjusting to the responsibility of college and learning to learn on your own, I decided to make a list of things that I’ve found help when the instructor doesn’t.

• Don’t even bother complaining.  Just to reiterate what I said in my introduction, NO ONE is going to care if the instructor sucked or the class was hard.  The only thing that matters is your grade.  If you can’t learn in the classroom, you find a way to do it yourself.  RESPONSIBILITY.
• If you do go to the class, read the chapter before you go.  This makes following along a little easier because you already are kind of familiar with the material.
• Along the same lines, if your instructors are like most of mine, they’ll have the notes or PowerPoint slides posted somewhere before class.  Print them out so you can take notes on them and keep up easier in class.
• Go over your notes soon after class.  This gives you a chance to start thinking about and processing what was just discussed.  Sometimes you’re so busy writing, you aren’t comprehending.
• Read the chapter again after it’s been gone over in class.  Give yourself a chance to fill in any blanks the instructor left in the lesson.
• Write out any questions you still have and either approach the instructor during their office hours or seek out a tutor.
•  Review. Review. Review.  Just like with every other class, spend extensive time with the material studying.

I know college is tough guys, and poor lectures don’t help, but YOU CAN DO THIS.  Be disciplined and dedicated and it’ll all come together! Good luck studying!

Hiking Trip

Yesterday Stephen and I went with his Jeep along with some other Jeepers from sour church on a trip hiking and driving through some beautiful country back roads.  The weather was so perfect and every turn held more of God’s untouched beauty.

Six Ways to Take Care of Yourself

“I have come to believe that caring for myself is not self-indulgent.  Caring for myself is an act of survival.” (Audre Lorde) So often we put off taking time for ourselves in the midst of our business because we think it is somehow selfish and lazy.  Now, if you do nothing everyday and call that taking care of yourself, there’s a problem.  In fact, doing nothing sometimes looks like relaxing when really, it’s just wasting time, no matter how much you do it.  As we go through our busy lives, it’s important to set aside time to productively take care of ourselves and recharge. And those times are selfish, they are necessary for us to give our best to our homework, jobs, family, and friends.

Before I start my list, I want to talk about what I think the biggest step in being able to relax is: eliminating stress by eliminating To Do’s.  When I said we need to set aside time to relax and recharge, I truly meant schedule it, know when you’re going to do this, so you can plan to have all your tasks done by the time you start relaxing.  There’s nothing more stressful to me then knowing I have a huge list of things to do but I’m trying to relax. It makes me more stressed than actually doing things! My best advice is to plan. I always like to have my week planned out Sunday nights so I know what is due when and when I can do it.  I try to get as much done early as I can so nothing piles up.  Once you know what you have to do when, you can decide where you can have your “me time” without worrying about all the things you have to do.  Not to mention, having a schedule for when things will be done keeps you from getting stressed wondering when you’ll get something done.  you laready know, have a plan, and have it under control!

Now the fun stuff.  My list of six ways to care for yourself.

Get up earlier. Don’t freak out, let me explain! Sleeping in then rushing to get ready is the farthest thing from relaxing!  My time before I go to work, school, or anywhere else when I can just listen to music, drink my coffee, and do my makeup is precious to me and get’s me ready for the day.  It’s time before the responsibilities of the day hit you, and often before other people are up demanding form you, for you to have time to invest in yourself.

Enjoy your time in the car. Time in your car, like time getting ready, is time where you’re alone and can’t do anything but drive.  That’s a time when I like to turn on KLove and have some time with God praising Him and enjoying His presence, the most relaxing, calming thing in the world.  But maybe that’s not you. Maybe you just want to ride in silence or roll the windows down and enjoy your favorite songs.  Whatever gets you unplugged from the world is great for this time.

Workout.  It probably doesn’t sound very appealing to some people, but I promise, it works! I’ll admit I’ve been out of the gym for about two weeks, but next week, I’m getting right back into it! Besides cardio and weights, I also like yoga.  After a long day, there’s not much that feels better than stretching out all the tension and stress.  It also gets you in the moment instead of thinking about future responsibilities or past mistakes.

Spend time with family and friends. Laughing with the people you love may not be super relaxing all the time, but it does help you let off steam and focus on having fun and being with other people instead of work.

A bubble bath. Pretty obvious. I already said that’s what I’m looking forward to as soon as I clock out and get home tonight.  A hot bath, music, and candles.  Nothing beats that.

Get enough sleep.  I’m pretty sure not getting enough sleep is glorified now a days but really, it’s not good for your productivity or your health.  Do yourself a favor and make it a goal to get 6 or 7 hours at least a night.

Open When Letters

My newest Pinterest project was a box of Open When letters for Stephen.  For me, it was a sweet way to celebrate our eight month anniversary and remind Stephen of how I feel about him in every situation.  At first I had a problem coming up with which letters to write.  Then I had a problem narrowing it down.  It came down to this list:

Open When…

• You get these letters.
• You’ve had a bad day.
• You’re hangry.
• You’re frustrated with me.
• You’re bored.
• You’re worried about the future.
• You have your first day at Academy.
• You get your “big job.”
• You don’t want to study/do homework.
• You need to hear how much I love you.
• You want to know how I pray for you.
• Just in case of the zombie apocalypse (he’s a huge Walking Dead fan!)
• You can’t sleep.
• You’re traveling.
• You’re sick.
• I’m really busy.

I kept the letters short and sweet for the most part, some funny.  Yesterday was our eight month anniversary so I texted his mom and after I finished classes, headed to his house to surprise him.  He was pleasantly surprised and enjoyed the little gift.

Keeping it Together

 When we’re all out there looking for a relationship, we typically see the good stuff about love, the hugs and cuddles and kisses, but rway relationships, great relationship, have a lot of work behind the scenes.  Life happens, things get chaotic and busy, and your relationship takes a backseat.

That being said, there’s two things I have no doubt about: every couple has work to do, and I want to be with Stephen for the long haul.  With those two things in mind, I’m going back to my favorite, although very cliche, Bible verses about love.  1 Corinthians 13:4-8

These four verses define love for us and always encourage me when I need to reevaluate and improve how I love. So let’s jump right in. Verse 4 starts out telling us Love is patient, love is kind. Patient and kind really go hand in hand.  If we can’t be patient with someone and extend to them all the grace and second chances God has to us, showing kindness is really hard. The ones we love will inevitably mess up and let us down.  We’re all human and it happens, but we have to remember not to lose our minds or get angry when it does happen.  Take a deep breath and choose patience and kindness as they try to do the best they can.  Verse four goes on to tell us  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  This is one I never thought too deeply about because I couldn’t imagine being jealous of good things happening to Stephen and I couldn’t imagine bragging to him about my successes.  That changed when we both started looking for a job.  I started out trying to work in a boutique and quickly had to lower my standards and get my first job in fast food.  He, on the other hand, was having interviews with construction management companies.  I couldn’t help but think of how embarrassing it would be to have a boyfriend with a professional job while I served chicken.  He ended up getting a job at Academy, a sports and outdoors store, and still I sometimes envy he doesn’t have to love chicken and constantly clean tables.  It’s in those moments that I have to remember that he’s worked hard for a long time and deserves a professional job.  I’m more proud of him and his accomplishments than anything, and I’ve learned for the most part to stop comparing my successes to his.  We may be very much alike and in a relationship but we are on two different paths to success.  We’re just taking each other along with us on our individual walks.

These next ones are big, verse 5 tells us It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. This verse deals with the attitude we bring to our relationship and how we handle the times our loved ones hurt or anger us.  First off, I love that it says that love is not self-seeking.  I can’t stress enough that if you get into a relationship looking to get something, you will never have a satisfied relationship.  Your goal in your relationship should be to support, encourage, and pour love out onto your partner, then let them focus on giving those same things back to you.  Now let’s talk about being angry. Those little things that put seeds of bitterness and frustration in our hearts. It makes me thing about a great comparison my pastor made a few weeks back about all the little hurts and disappointments in life being like little paper cuts on our hearts, and eventually, our hearts end up calloused.  That’s so dangerous in a relationship.  You become numb, you stop caring, and ultimately, you stop trying. Those seeds of bitterness and frustration begin to bloom.  Well here’s the thing, I refuse to give up trying and I refuse to water those seeds! Everyday, we have to choose, because it won’t just happen, to ask Jesus to wash those paper cuts away and forget all the things we could get annoyed/hurt/angry/frustrated about and focus on the things that our loved ones do that fill our hearts with so much joy.  Those records of past wrongs aren’t gonna do anything to build up a relationship, and neither will choosing to fight.  You’ve heard, “pick your battles.”  Some things aren’t worth bringing up, and even the things that are shouldn’t be fought, they should be discussed.

Verse 6 tells us that Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. Relationships thrive with honesty and goodness.  They thrive when you’re committed to faithfulness, to God and your partner.

Verse 7 is another one I really lean on when I need relationship encouragement.  It always protects, always trusts, always perseveres.  I’ve read on Pinterest that if you want something to last, you treat it differently.  You protect it.  I don’t know about you, but I want to fiercely protect the love I’ve found, from the chaos of my life, from the messages about  relationships that the world tries to sell us, from other people, from sin and temptation, from everything that could weaken it.   Love is so precious and so vulnerable and gentle, and those we love are the same.  I wish I could protect Stephen from ever having to experience disappointment or heartache.  All I can do is the best I can and be there when it is inevitable.  Another key in a relationship is trust.  This isn’t one I really have to worry about with Stephen because he is so faithful and honest, but knowing I can trust him does help when I’m studying or working or in class and he is with friends.  Not trusting him would drive me crazy and lead me to try to keep him from going out with his friends and having fun, and that is just another way seeds of bitterness can be planted.  If you can’t trust who you’re with, work out why and fix it or get out because a relationship without trust is too broken to function.   I love these last two.  Love always trusts and always perseveres.  I think those two compliment each other so well. In times of doubt or struggle, seeing that hope at the end of the tunnel, knowing college will end in four years and we’ll have careers and the crazy will die down, reminds us why we keep going.  Picturing that future so full of hope is what I know I’m striving for and I know all these difficulties now, balancing college and work and extra curricular, are building a beautiful future.  So I persevere.

The final thing I want to cover is verse 8.  Love never fails. Real love never fails.  Love that is honest and hopeful, and selfless, and forgiving never fails.  You get out of relationships what you put in.  I love 2 Corinthians 6:7 that says Remember this: whoever sows sparingly reaps sparingly, and whoever sows generously will reap generously.  There’s no question that God has blessed Stephen and I with something great, but life and relationships have ups and downs and I know I have to choose some days to act from how I feel or to act believing my relationship will grow if I give more.  Some days I won’t feel it, but most days, my heart will be full of love and joy that I would’t give up for anything in this world.  Love is so worth fighting for, and it’s important to remember that the enemy knows that and he will do so much to draw you away and make you doubt.  But if it’s blessed by God, going to Him for protection and strength is all you need! That’s why these verses I talked about today are so powerful! 

Crazy in Love

Stephen tells me all the time that I’m crazy, and my response in typically, “Crazy about you.”  But sometimes that crazy flips and he drives me real crazy.  Last night was an example. And the whole thing would have been avoided had I just chosen to let go of this little thing he’d done. It wasn’t something he meant to do, and he certainly didn’t mean to hurt my feelings.

Every single day our partners can do little things that DRIVE US CRAZY.  I’m sure I’ve done plenty of things I never realized to drive Stephen crazy.  But if we let those little things every day build up, they become a big thing.  They allow bitterness to take root and give the devil a foothold. That’s never pretty and spells the end to what could have been a wonderful relationship.  So this morning I decided to share some scriptures I fall back on when I know the way I love needs to improve.

Above all, love each other deeply because love covers over a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8

This one if probably most important in my opinion when it comes to forgiving.  The more you love someone, the easier it is to say “I love you more than I want this argument.” The only way to overcome these little things every day that can build up and breed bitterness is to pour out love and choose love.

Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. James 1:19

What a help remembering this would have been last night! When our partners do something that gets us mad or hurt, as hard as it is, biting our tongue and taking a breather is so important, as is listening to their side.

[Love] keeps no record of wrongs. 1 Corinthians 13:5

Here’s the forget part of “forgive and forget.” Once you let it go and decide to forgive, that offense gets wiped away, never to be brought up again.  If not, that record of wrongs can give root to a lot of bitterness.

Be devoted to one another.  Honor one another above yourselves.  Romans 12:10

I’ve mentioned it before but I’ll say it again because most people don’t get it. You don’t get into a relationship to get, you get into a relationship to give.  Stop worrying so much about what you can do to show your partner love and let them worry about what you get!

My command is this: love each other as I have loved you. John 15:12

How has Jesus loved us?  He gave everything for us.  He forgives us when we certainly don’t deserve it.  He wants the best and gives the best for us.  He’s always with us.  The list goes on and on, and we could never reach the level of loving Jesus has.  But the goal is to love selflessly and to forgive and have patience.

All this said, I really am still crazy in love with Stephen in the best ways possible.  He’s a dream come true and I am so blessed.  But at the end of the day, we are two different people and there will be differences and life will sometimes make things difficult. It is our choice to stay and build our relationship up with scripture and more and more love.

Dirty Feet

Something About Me

Before I start this, let me just tell you that I am a perfectionist, especially when it comes to myself.  I get so frustrated and downright angry when my makeup, hair, or outfit isn’t right.  I am so critical about everything I do.  If I make a mistake driving, it sticks with me all day.  If I lose my temper with my family, I lay in bed thinking I’ve ruined sharing my testimony and love of Jesus with them. When I was told I was a mentor for a girl at church, I told them I wasn’t a good enough Christian for that.  I’m never good enough in my own eyes, and I ‘m shocked when I hear others tell me what they see in me.  To me, I’m so far behind everyone else and I’m not as good as others.

This Weekend

So yesterday was Stephen’s dad’s birthday, so we got together with his family and his brother (a Marine)’s fiance Elizabeth to cook and celebrate.  As soon as Elizabeth walked in, I sank low into the couch I was sitting on.  Let me say before I say any of this: Elizabeth the is one of the SWEETEST people I have ever met.  She’s effortlessly beautiful, tall, always put-together and dressed so cute, and she’s also very soft-spoken and poised.  She’s got a good job, is almost done with college, and has her own place.  Not to mention, I’ve seen this girl eat craw fish without getting dirty and that still just bows my mind. She’s just an all around perfect girl.  Then there’s me and here’s what I think everyone else is seeing: my hair that was curled and pinned back this morning has fallen and is frizzy, my makeup is smudging, I was thinking low-key and casual, so I’m wearing jean shorts and a over-sized plaid shirt, and I just got a job at Raising Canes. All these things are going through my head as I compare myself to this sweet, pretty girl and one thing sticks out to me and makes me more self-conscious than anything. My feet.  I have wide feet to begin with, but they’re little length-wise, and Sunday, like I’ve been doing often lately, I’m just wearing my old flip flops.  My feet are calloused with scabs from the blisters I’ve gotten walking around LSU and my toe nail polish is, as usual, chipping.  My feet even were dirty-looking.  All next to Elizabeth’s narrow, petite, perfectly painted and clean feet.  I was so ready to leave Stephen’s house.

On a Deeper Level…

Stephen’s parents are great to me, and they didn’t mean to do this at all, but there were relatives that I’d never met before and while Stephen and I were getting drinks inside, Elizabeth was introduced and guess who wasn’t?  The girl with the ogre feet over here.  It always seems like his parents have so much to say to Elizabeth, but they have weddings and other things to talk about.  They come from the same world, Stephen and Elizabeth’s dad’s work together, and both families are tight-knit Christian families.  I come from something very different, and sometimes being a part of Stephen’s world is hard because I feel like I have to make up a background I don’t have.  Knowing Elizabeth’s background fits right in with his family convinces me to push myself right into the background and give the spot light to Elizabeth.  Notice I said give it to her, because Stephen’s parents don’t make me feel like she’s better than me at all.  She’s just obviously a little more a part of the family because she’s a year away from the title Mrs. Avara, and that I completely understand.

So Where Does that Leave Me?

Understanding that people are different and that doesn’t mean one is better.  Knowing that Stephen wants me and Nathaniel wants Elizabeth because they’re different, too. God made each and every one of us unique and for a specific purpose he has for us.  Living for that purpose means I can give up trying to be perfect and focus on just being me and letting God be God.  I can’t say I’ve completely learned this yet.  On paper, I know it’s true, but I know the next time Elizabeth and I are in the same room, the comparisons will start again.  I’ve just got to remember, like we all do, that I bring something different to the table than she does and we can all just sit at that table and enjoy what everyone else has to give.